i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
