Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
