Having a random hookup so left but love u
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
