I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
love makes seman taste better
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
