Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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