im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
