I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
