Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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