you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Bring me that man meat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
