I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
