We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who died my cat blue again?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
