Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
