Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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