So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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