I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
