Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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