How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
