Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Can Purell be used as lube?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
