I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
