found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
