Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
