Don't make out with my wife yet
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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