how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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