Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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