So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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