I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
