I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize