I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
