glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we made out on top of his cat.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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