got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
