All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
