i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
