This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
