At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
