i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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