I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
