Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
