Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
