I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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