You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You are the jesus of drinking
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
