I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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