I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
