so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
