Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
