if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
