i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
