I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
