so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
