Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
