She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
