Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Semen is not good for contacts.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
